Crete's Labtech

As Alex has noted, Dr. Crete is notoriously secretive on the subject of his equipment. While Crete occasionally modifies existing equipment (see "Crete in the Field,") he primarily invents his own labyrinthological technologies, or labtech, as Crete styles it. However, due to the controversy his latest monograph is generating, Crete is demonstrating greater transparency in his fieldwork, perhaps in an effort to legitimize what Stalle has cast as "Crete's labyrinth heresy."

(Await more on this conflict in Parts Two and Three of Alex's interviews with Stalle. Also, expect a sneak-peak of Crete's monograph soon.)

Dr. Crete has made available images of a number of labtech prototypes and "obsolescent models" to a coterie of labyrinthologists. In keeping with our mission at the Cincinnati Labyrinth Project, I will share the images and descriptions with all of our fellow fervent labyrinthians. Moreover, while my knowledge of Crete's labtech is really only inchoate, I will try to explain the applications of the labtech to our project: the Paul Brown Labyrinth.















Crete developed one of his earliest models, The Lodestone P2A [above], in the late 1980s, when a Geiger counter he was employing in a Mesoamerican labyrinth near Hidalgo, Mexico was registering a titanic reading of Becquerels (Bq). Crete's detection of high levels of radioactivity in the labyrinth not only spawned his theory of salvific magnetism, but also inspired him to tweak the Geiger counter into The Lodestone P2A. According to Crete, The Lodestone P2A measures the electromotive force between parallel walls in labyrinths, much in the way that the electromotive force courses between two terminals of a battery.
















The MagneTrapper Q12 [second incarnation, above], more commonly referred to by Crete's team and Cretinists as The Gullet, emerged after Crete speculated the existence of a new particle, called the "labyrinthon." Crete believes that, in the electromagnetic field between parallels walls of labyrinths, labyrinthons collide at high velocities and energy levels. The Gullet was an early attempt at "trapping" these particles. Crete eagerly awaits the reopening of the Large Hadron Collider to release trapped particles and collide them at yet higher velocities and higher levels.




















Crete's innovative and modular Flux Displacer [above], charmingly inspired after reading Phillip Pullman's The Golden Compass, allowed Crete to measure electric displacement, capacitance, and magnetic susceptibility in labyrinths. Crete has only revealed what this marvel of labtech measures, but not what he is hunting for in the measurements. My suspicion is that Crete studies the effect the labyrinth navigator has on the magnetic field of the labyrinth, and, more interestingly, the effect the labyrinth's magnetic field has on the navigator.

If we at the Cincinnati Labyrinth Project should solicit Stephon Crete in our project, then we would be blessed to have some of his labtech, even the prototypes and early models, at our disposal.

One disclaimer: the utility of Crete's labtech is not ultimately certain. Some labyrinthologists dispute the functionality of Crete's instruments. But, if Crete's salvific magnetism theory holds true, then his labtech could assist our project in the following ways:

The Lodestone could help us determine whether we should build a rectilinear or curved labyrinth, as well as the distance between labyrinth walls.

The Gullet could help us determine the length of the labyrinth, based on the intensity of the magnetic field in Paul Brown Stadium.

The Flux Displacer could help us determine the number of turns, as Crete claims to have demonstrated that the number of turns in a labyrinth contributes to wild, and even dangerous, magnetic flux.